I meant to write this post right after I got the phone call but I thought I would give my self some time to process.
Instead I jotted some of my thoughts down on little pieces of paper as a form of shock therapy. I even googled a bunch of information on job rejection and found some surprisingly good information that really helped me feel like I wasn't going insane.
Literally, the thing I was most afraid of happening happened. I didn't get the job I had poured my whole heart into and it really sucked. I had to bite my lip on the phone to keep from bursting into tears. But as soon as I hit that end button I let them all flow and I just sat there and threw myself the biggest pity party of one. I immediately texted my friends and mentor because I could feel myself slipping into an abyss of depression that I wasn't sure I could get out off.
I started to believe all of my negative thoughts about myself, went over all the ways I had possibly failed, thought of all the ways I could have interviewed better, let myself believe that the world was ending before I zapped back into reality.
As if on cue, the flood of reassuring texts and phone calls flooded in bringing me back to reality and some logical thinking. Of course there is going to be rejection, I had been on the other part of the table and I knew the odd juggle you do to find the best fit candidate. Some times you have to let some really good balls drop and it doesn't mean they aren't awesome, just that they are not the right balance of whatever you were looking for.
I thought of some achievements I had made that year, gosh, even that week. And I resolved that even though I didn't get the job, I had an amazing interview.
It still hurt, that was real, and I really felt like such a failure. And, seriously, it was like every shortcoming in my life rose to the surface in that moment and I couldn't have felt worse about myself.
But I started to wipe away the confetti from the pity party and reflect on the conversation. They said they loved me and the candidate they went with was already doing the work they needed the candidate to do. Fair. How could I not want the best candidate for a job I loved so much. And then there was something else, they told me they would still like to work with me and let me know about some other positions in the office.
I was still too much in a grieving process to let that last fact set in. Even when I looked at the other job and realized that it was a perfect fit and I absolutely loved it.
It took me a weekend to really sort out my feelings. In some ways I felt free to start the search again and see what the world had to offer. But I came to realize that I loved this institution and office and that something just felt right about this.
Of course I had to talk to everyone and their imaginary friend to process what I already knew to be true: I was going to apply to that job.
I mean that's a good way to end that story, and now I start the waiting game again. I also looked at jobs at other institutions but there is something drawing me to this institution in a way I can't fully explain. And so here we go again, be still my fragile heart. Unrequitted love is a rough ride. In honor of trying to resist the love (did I post this one already, ha)
I am also job searching after graduating with a m.s. student affairs degree. I feel your pain! You do have to let it go and look forward. Job hunting is humbling and yes, quite often frustrating. You never know what is going on in the background or what employers are really looking for. You have to develop a thick-skin and learn not to take it personally. I have interviewed people that I can tell are very frustrated with their job hunt - the negativity comes out in their interview, whether they realize it or not. It made me question whether they really were interested in the job or did they apply out of desparation? Not good. What kind of employee am I really getting? Think about the positive things that got you that interview! And there were people who did NOT get called in! It is also extremely difficult to compete with applicants who already are performing the job or work in that department! Yes, I feel a bit used in these types of situations since the dept just wanted to comply with their HR hiring policies, yet they knew already who they would be hiring the whole time (I just saw this happen at the office I was interning at!). But that is the nature of the beast and I just let it go. I do feel that any interview that I go on, is good experience either way! Also some depts. do not want to endure training time or cannot afford to - maybe the job is just too complex or essential to the department's operations. So hang in there, stay positive and think about that "next time"!! Also, network and find student affair volunteer opportunities if you can! You just never know what may happen!! :)Those who quit, never succeed and those who succeed never quit!
ReplyDeleteGood luck! Go with your intuition. When I do it has always led to good things. When I second guess myself and don't it hasn't. The fact that they called and encouraged you to apply for another position in their office is a good sign. That is not typical of a rejection.
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