A Wish Your Heart Makes 6

I had a whirlwind of a job search process week. It was both incredibly exhilarating  and incredibly painful.

It feels really good to be clear about what work I want to do. I have found that all of my interests and experiences have been focused on supporting students who are at risk of academically underachieving. I had a moment where I really felt that every moment had prepared me for the opportunities in my life right now. While I know that there are many jobs I see on sites and think “holy blurgh, that sounds so cool. I need to apply” I have to get past that initial excitement and think “well, on a day to day basis am I going to love this job.” Job descriptions are great but there are more issues for me to consider on past experiences:

·      Will I enjoy working for my boss? Will I even like them as a person? What kind of relationship do they want with me?

·      Will I like my coworkers?

·      Will the politics of the institution I work for kill my soul?

·      Are the students not my ideal student population to work with?

·      Is there a football team?

·      Is this a job I will enjoy talking about at a party or one I will enjoy going to everyday?

I feel a lot more clear about all of this. I was also starting to feel anxious because I’ve bounced around a lot of jobs and function areas in the past two years. But I had a conversation with a professional and she basically validated MY WHOLE LIFE. She kept reiterating that my breadth of experience would serve me well if I’m interested in senior leadership roles (which I am). I was starting to feel really insecure about this one blip on my life and needed that validation. Why oh why was I feeling so insecure?? Well that brings me to my second point…

Cohort Competition Drama.

I came to graduate school hoping for this great community of fellow learners who were embarking on a challenging and fulfilling educational journey. Well…things have unfolded quite differently…

I still haven’t figured out why and, well, maybe there is no rhyme or reason to the human condition. Yet, I only feel I have seen the worst version of everyone in my cohort. I think we can be really mean to people in our cohort for various reasons. Yet, the idea that when people around us are succeeding, our first reaction is to become embittered and hostile to them is still so absurd to me. Repeat this.

YOU ARE GOING TO GET A JOB. EVERYONE IN YOUR COHORT IS GOING TO GET A JOB.  EVEN IF SOMEONE GETS A JOB BEFORE YOU, LIFE WILL GO ON AND GUESS WHAT?? YOU WILL ALSO GET A JOB, SO CHILL!

The toll that the drama in my cohort has taken on my mental and physical health is becoming increasingly apparent and the job search process is intensifying it to wacko proportions.  We all get insecure at times. We all have people we don’t like. But be a decent human being for goodness sake. Treat people with some respect and mind your business when it comes to the job search process. Focus on yourself, so much so that what’s going on around you has no bearing on your own existence.

Most importantly, stop being so mean to people. Stop engaging in competition in the name of…what? Be a better version of yourself. This is a small field and your lasting impression could be the first words out of someone’s mouth to a future employer.

I’m trying to not lose sleep over all the petty stuff, especially with so much to enjoy and look forward to this semester. Of course, it happens. Be nice to yourself and play well with others.

If something great happens to you, you deserve it. Enjoy it.

...in all of this I definetely feel like some poor unfortunate soul. at risk of losing everything about me in pursuit of something that will never define me. 

Until next time