Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...And a Job #25

Well folks, a little later than planned, but I wanted to go and make my official departure from this blog....though I do have a little surprise I'll share at the end!

I've been on the job for just over a month now, and it definitely has been a whirlwind. There have been awesome days and rough days, and sometimes it's terrifying to stop and think that this is my life for the foreseeable future. Crazy.

I could go on and on forever with reflections on the job search process and what it's like as a new professional and what the biggest challenges were and are and on and on and on. Instead, I'll try to keep this a bit organized and I'll do a couple of lists. So, here we go....

Best Feelings Since I Started My Job Search:
- Passing comps and finishing my coursework
- Amazing networking and learning opportunities at national conferences
- Countless nights with my friends, whether we were actually being social or complaining about how much we hate applying for jobs
- When I got the interview for my current job, which was kind of a crazy thing overall since I turned down my original offer and then realized that was stupid and I actually kind of wanted the job...
- Hooding (even though I was in a ton of pain) and spending the weekend with my family
- Getting my job offer!!!!!
- Spending time with my family without it seeming totally rushed
- Celebrating every little achievement with my roommates, from getting a phone interview to actually getting a job
- Again, the friends thing
- My first day on the job, even though it was slightly terrifying
- The first time my colleague (who I really respect) made me feel really good about the work I'm doing
- When a student thanked me just for listening and being a resource and support
- When the logistical headache that was driving me crazy at work got fixed and I almost cried tears of joy
- Every day when I have what are now cross-country text chats with my friends
....and I'm sure I could go on. Clearly, it's been a great journey.

Worst Things/Feelings Since I Started My Job Search:
- Not being able to really take advantage of my coursework because I was so stressed with trying to do that and study for comps and apply for jobs and everything
- The break-ups that have happened between then and now
- All the anxiety and fear that I wouldn't get a job
- Every rejection email -- they still burn now, even though I have a job!
- The uncertainty of whether I made the "right" decision or not
- Spending time at home with my family knowing it was probably the longest uninterrupted amount of time I would ever get to spend with them again
- Every single going away dinner and good-bye hug. Those are probably the worst. I just want to lay here and cry for a bit thinking about how much I love and miss my friends who became my grad school family.
- Sitting at work staring at my office and getting the unescapable feeling that I have no clue what I'm doing and I'm in way over my head
...and of course there have been others too.

Overall, I would say it's been a balance, with things generally going in the positive direction. Honestly this is one of the first times I've really sat down and thought about how much I miss all of my friends, and it really kind of sucks. I've been busying myself with work and trying to find a house and things...and I know I'll make new friends (and continue enjoying the folks who are still around). But, wow, I really do miss them.

Okay, enough of that. I'll wrap up with some "lessons learned/bits of wisdom" for any job searchers/graduating HESA folks out there....And yes, I fully understand that if I had read the same list 6 months ago I wouldn't have trusted a word of it....but all the same.

1) Stay organized. If you aren't already an organized person, get on it. Figure out whatever process works for you (for me, it was many many folders on my Google drive), and figure it out before you're in the midst of everything. You'll get postings every day with different deadlines, you'll recycle bits of cover letters (but hopefully change the name of the institution), and you'll feel like you're losing your mind. And that's only in relation to actual applications, haha. So get organized and stay that way. It really does make things more manageable.

2) Practice, practice, and prep! Especially do this before you're really in the thick of your process. The more eyes you have on your resume and a couple cover letters, the more mock interviews you do, and the more times you do your elevator speech in the shower (I know, it sounds stupid, but it works), the easier things will be. All this professionalism stuff really is kind of a sport, and practice makes you better!

3) Be honest with yourself about what you want to do, where you want to do it, and what some of your dealbreakers and must-haves are. This was really hard for me in the beginning...I kept thinking I would apply for positions super far away or doing things that I wasn't completely passionate about, more tangentially....but when it boiled down to it I knew I didn't want to be a plane ride away from my family, and that I would pretty much give anything to do the specific work that I'm doing. Keeping an open-mind is important, but also know what is out of the question and don't waste your time on those. You'll thank yourself later. Besides, it's always easy to widen your parameters a bit if you're getting on in the season and getting nervous.

4) Enjoy every single moment with your friends/support network. Even if it's sitting around your office with everyone stressing about a different project or assignment or application....just do it. Take giggle breaks and go get milkshakes and be grumpy the next day because none of you got enough sleep. Don't take this time for granted, even though it seems like there's a million other things you should be doing. Unfortunately, before you know it you've been to a slew of good-bye dinners where the crowd gets progressively smaller at each once, and then all of a sudden you're sitting at your desk realizing that you have practically no one left on campus to grab lunch with. And it sucks. You've probably done the transition before, so you kind of know what to expect....but that doesn't make it any easier.

5) And finally....the hardest piece of advice to follow...trust your instincts and trust the process. It WILL work out. Perhaps not in the way that you thought it would, or perhaps in a way that doesn't even feel like it's working out at the time...but it will. Trust the process. That doesn't mean be lazy...you have to practice and polish and put yourself out there...push yourself to a level that you feel proud of and comfortable with. Don't push yourself over the edge. Once you know you're putting your best foot forward, trust the process. It will work out.

So...I suppose that's it. Thanks for reading folks. It's been a hell of a journey.

Oh, and my little surprise! Well, if you're interested in continuing to follow my journey for a bit, make sure you are following StudentAffairs.com @istudentaffairs!! I'll be tweeting about my adjustment to life as a new professional and all of the trials and tribulations that come with it. I'll try to include #SANewProf and #sachat on all of my tweets...so come and follow the journey :) Also, feel free to connect with me via Twitter! I'm better at updating since it's faster, haha. So, check it out, connect with me, and keep up the good work.

That's all folks.

P.S. In response to my title...well, I found the job...and there's plenty of life, love, and laughter to be had, you just have to look for it :)

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...And a Job #24

Hey there strangers! Okay, I know it's been a month, but I'll get to my delay momentarily. For now, settle in and get excited to hear about the magic that is the working life.

So after my last post I headed out on vacation for a while. One of my close friends from my cohort got married over Memorial Day weekend, so a group of us headed down to celebrate with her. It was beautiful and totally made me cry. After the wedding we headed to the beach for a nice little getaway before we all went our separate ways. Overall it wasn't a super eventful trip....though it was wonderful! So nice to spend time with each other and just relax before all of the changes to come. While we were there my very best friend got her job offer, so that was super exciting! Unfortunately she's moved very far away from me, and I'm already totally sad. 

After the beach, I headed back to my hometown for a while. I had planned to stay for 3 or 4 days and ended up staying for more like 9, but it was a much needed trip to spend time with my amazing family. This trip definitely felt different in a lot of ways -- my hometown and my family's house will always be home to me, but this time there was definitely a different feeling this time. I mean, honestly that was probably the longest amount of time I'll ever get to spend at home from now on, so I was enjoying every minute of it. We had so much fun -- I love my family so much. We had a great time reminiscing and whatnot...when I moved out of my apartment in undergrad I basically just threw everything into my closet back home without really organizing it, so we had a few great nights with lots of wine and laughing while going through all of my stuff. So yeah, long story short, home was amazing. Truly wonderful. I love my family so much and really enjoyed getting to spend time with them.

When I finally came back, I spent the first couple of days helping my roomie get packed and move out, and then she left. So sad. So so sad. I also started a complicated and totally overwhelming and cool process of....get this...buying a house!! Yes, you read that right, I'm buying a house! Basically while I was at home my family and I spent a lot of time crunching the numbers, and it financially makes more sense for me to do this. Now, I should warn you that I knew absolutely nothing about house buying or mortgages or equity or anything like that approximately 3 weeks ago, and now I'm practically an expert!! It's crazy!! So yes, lots of exciting things going on.

So, in the midst of all of this going on...there's kind of the major point of actually starting my job! I've officially been working for two weeks, and it's been absolutely wonderful! I am really confident that I made a good decision in taking this job opportunity, and every day has been fantastic thus far. There is definitely a lot to learn and do, and I'm already a little overwhelmed, but I'm also really motivated and excited about the opportunity to have a really positive impact. 

A recap on the last month then....vacation and home, which were fabulous. Both of my roommates have officially moved out of my apartment, so I'm all alone, which is sad. I've been packing on the weekends -- how did I accumulate so much stuff? I've also found the house I plan to buy and am putting in a contract tomorrow! Most of my best friends have gotten jobs and moved away, which has been really tough, but I'm extremely happy for all of them. I managed to navigate my way through my benefits and retirement paperwork with the help of a wonderful benefits counselor at the University, and I've survived two solid weeks of work. It's been a hell of a month to say the least.

We are approaching the end of the month, and like my counterpart, I will be taking my leave of the blog shortly. However, I do want to write a couple more entries on what starting my professional career has been like, as well as some overall thoughts on the job search process. Apologies for taking so long before getting back to y'all -- I've learned that after a long day of work that mostly involves sitting on my computer, coming home and getting on my laptop is like the last thing I want to do. Oops! But I'm getting used to it :) 

So, thanks for continuing to follow my adventures -- things have certainly been wild lately. Tune in again soon to hear more about the life of a new professional :) 

A Wish Your Heart Makes 22

Hello folks, remember me?

The month is coming to an end, and with it, my commitment to writing this blog. I hope it has been helpful to some of you out there in the internet.

I am settling into my new job and so far I love it. Of course, my inner pessimist keeps waiting for the other shoe to fall. For right now I am thoroughly enjoying it and feel like I ABSOLUTELY made the right choice.My job provides me a near perfect mix of challenge and discovery. I work with an incredible group of people who challenge me and care about me in a way that makes me want to give my very best every single day.

Today I went to the retirement celebration of a coworker. It was a little weird because I have only known her for a few weeks, yet I felt this pang of emotion. One, she is a wonderful person. Everyone had such heartfelt things to say to her and they felt genuine. And two, she's been a the University for close to 40 years. I find that to be amazing.

I lived my life as a vagabond. My mom moved me from school to school and I've called at least four states home. I had always found people who stayed in one place to be a little bit prosaic. I imagined I would get  few more travels under my belt before possibly settling down in my middle age or something. But when I was hearing about the story of this woman, who had given so much of her life and energy to this one institution I felt a growing respect for her loyalty. I too love this institution and feel bound to see it grow and expand. There may be many opportunities for professional growth in other positions but I am realizing I may be a person who is more bound to their location then their titles.

I do believe it is possible to build communities beyond borders. Our profession's professional organizations have further validated that point. And in this age where people have become more mobile and technology compensates for our face-to-face connection, it can be easy to move from state to state and institution to institution. Yet, the heart of an institution remains the same. It may still continue to attract exceptional professionals and people. It can still continue to be home.

I feel really connected to this place. The double digit legacies of the people who surround me, convince me that I am in an incredible place. It's 8:30 and I am still sitting in my office (take that work/life balance) really appreciating where I am today. Yes, I found a job but I found so much more than that. I found a community, I found a love, I found a passion, I found a reason to wake up every morning. I found myself.

Until Next Time

A Wish Your Heart Makes 21

I'm conflicted about what to write my post about.

On one hand, I am absolutely ecstatic because I began my professional "journey" tomorrow. And on the other, I know that many of my peers are still in the midst of the job search. While it can be easy to put a smile on your face as you pat the backs of your peers who have secured jobs, is there some part of your soul that is secretly crying in angst? Or maybe there are some out there floating out there on the "it's going to happen in time wave."

I had nightmares of being the last person in my cohort to get a job. Or worst, the one who didn't get one. at. all. The high placement rate of my program's grads was not enough to qualm my fears.

My job process was serendipitous. I came to learn about my job from a professional I had done an informational interview with a year before. It was a topsy turvy process and a few more options were thrown in the mix from other professionals I knew. It was relieving and anxiety provoking. Relieving because my reputation had preceded itself. But anxiety provoking because I was deathly afraid that I wouldn't live up to the expectations people had of me. To be cautious, I applied to several outside jobs and from January to April experienced a steady flow of rejection.

It was a really difficult time. That and the overwhelming stress of my final semester of grad school AND my persistent fear that I was never going to get a job really started to wear on my spirit. I would like to say things started to fall together into a perfect wonderful lovely job, but that is not exactly true. I guess I could equate it to having a garden. You do all this work (okay, I don't garden so this is going to be a struggle) and you plant and do whatever you do and then you just sit back and wait. The tough part is that all the "magic" (or whatever happens) is happening under the soil, where you can't see it, and you just have to wait till some little pop of life emerges from the soil to validate all of that time and effort you poured into your garden. When you see it, it's a surge of relief but really that little life has been developing far before you knew it existed. And it all begin with you and your work and your hope. I guess that is what the job search can be like. Because those most anxiety ridden moments are happening when you're waiting. Waiting for an interview, waiting for a call, waiting for your application status to change. And it can seem like nothing is happening at all BUT IT IS. That is, of course, because you are watering and plowing and doing whatever gardeners do.

After I accepted my job, I got two interviews for jobs that I would LOVE in wonderful locations. I feel thankful that I'm really really happy with my job, but I keep thinking of if I had let my job search been guided by fear. If I had foreclosed on a job too early because I was afraid nothing else would come along. It can be easy for me to say that, coming from a place where my job search is done-zo, but there is still truth to staying true to who you are and who you want to be.

So don't stop believing in the little life you have growing beneath your feet, the hope of some awesome  amazing job. You've done the work and it's on it's way. It's on its way.

Until Next Time

A Wish Your Heart Makes 20

The past two weeks have been a blur. Wait, has it actually been two weeks? haa.

I graduated and it was an absolutely incredible time. My family and friends came up and I was bursting with excitement. This was the first big event I experienced since my mom's death. Leading up to the event I was ball of nervousness and anxiety. I realize now I was scared of feeling excited, knowing that my mom wasn't able to experience this day with me. What did it mean if I was happy and grateful and fine if my mom wasn't here? The anxiety was so intense that every time I went in to buy my graduation regalia, I would get nauseous. My whole being was not ready for this moment to come.

Well when it did, it could not have been more perfect. I was SO HAPPY. I did feel a little grief after it was all over. I don't think any experience has been more painful and challenging. Even my mom's funeral which is saying a lot. It was definitely something I would never do again, but I don't regret that I did it. Graduation was a time for all the warm fuzzies to come up and I finally realized all of the good things I gleaned from this experience and all the new people I have to love. But most importantly, I truly felt that I had made my mom proud. I felt incredibly at peace for the first time since my mom's death. I felt that I had honored all my mom had done for me to bring me to this point, and it felt like the right thing to do to be happy because that's what her love meant for me to be. It was an incredible time.

And of course the cherry on the sundae was that I finally got a job! Ha. I got the call and official offer the Thursday before graduation. Although, I had been dreaming about this moment and hoping it would work out, I was surprised at the spectrum of emotions I felt. I was excited, but scared, felt unworthy, felt grateful. I was so confused but so sure. I called my mentor immediately to process the emotions but she helped me see I had already said yes in my heart. And so I accepted and I really felt that I accepted my dream job. Everyone keeps commenting that it is the perfect job for me and I couldn't agree more. I literally cant remember the last time I was so excited about something. The most mundane emails (recently my boss asked me what name I wanted on my name tag) send me into euphoria. I can't wait to get started!! And I got a RAISE! ALREADY! ha.

My one advice to y'all is to negotiate your salary. If you feel confident you are going to get an offer for a job you would accept, talk to someone like a mentor or your career services office about how to negotiate. I didn't negotiate even though EVERYONE said I should because I just wasn't sure how to broach the topic. Since this is a public university, I had looked up the salaries of people in similar positions (my position is new so there isn't anyone to compare to) and I compared across universities. I also weighed my education and experience. My mentor told me she usually offers a lower salary expecting people to negotiate and so it behooves you to at least try. Plus this is the starting point for the rest of your career so you want to start off on as high as a foot you can get. I'm glad my employer was looking out for me and it makes me feel even more confident that I made the right choice.

I start in ONE WEEK! And can't wait to update you on all the juicy details of starting out. Keep the faith searchers!

Until Next Time,

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...and a Job #23

I DID IT! I'VE BEEN HIRED!!!

Oh my goodness, y'all, what a feeling. So the angst of waiting last week finally paid off --- they contacted me on Tuesday of this past week. The position I was offered was my first choice, so I accepted the next day and was signing paperwork on Wednesday! It's for real...I have a job!!

I am so unbelievably excited! The position will definitely come with a lot of challenges, but it's what I want to do and I know I can make a valuable impact on students and our campus community. I'm totally scared to death too, but I'm trusting the process.

Finding out was not exactly what I thought it would be. Getting my offer came with a rush of mixed emotions -- excitement, anxiety, disbelief, and genuine thankfulness, to name a few. Excitement because...well, that one is probably pretty obvious. Anxiety because there will definitely be some challenges coming my way. And I have to move!! Disbelief...is it really over? Can I seriously deactivate my job emails and stop stalking my application spreadsheet? And thankfulness -- thankful to the institution that is willing to take a chance on me, thankful to the supporters who have been there throughout this entire process, thankful to have the opportunity to do something that I love....so many things to be thankful for.

Getting to share the news with everyone was pretty fantastic -- I think my mom made noises only dolphins could hear and cried a little even though she was at work when I told her. The students I will be working with seem really excited to have me on board, so that's really wonderful. And with things falling into place for most of my cohort, everyone is genuinely excited for one another at this point.

Since I got my offer, things have been moving pretty quickly. I've been looking for a place to live and collecting boxes for moving -- I start June 17th and hope to get moved before then. I decided not to continue working over the summer, and I cleaned out my desk :( Right now I'm trying to get packed up for a couple of weeks -- heading down to Florida for a friend's wedding, and then home for a little while before I move. So much going on!

So, I'll leave off here for now, but I'll come back in a couple weeks to share some of my overall insights/thoughts about the process, and maybe reflect on my first couple of days as a NEW PROFESSIONAL. But hiatus for now as I soak up the sun and friends and family and everything I am so lucky to have in my life...with a huge weight lifted!

Still looking for life, love, and laughter...but got the job!

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...And A Job #22

Oh. My. God.

I just don't understand. If they say "we'll let you know by the end of the week" why can't they just let you know BY THE END OF THE WEEK?!?!?!?

At this point, I don't even care what they would tell me. They could tell me they decided to give the job to a talking penguin and I would be grateful just to know. This is the WORST part about a job search.

Okay, I'll calm down. Basically, I interviewed for a position last week, and I feel good about it. I feel like it's what I need to do. I'm ready to accept. Yet...they haven't called....

I also interviewed for another position last week...you know, the one I was on the way to the airport for? Well, that was interesting, to say the least. The summary is that I liked a lot of things about the position, yet there are a lot of things I don't. Good things include student, coworkers, and salary. Bad things include coworkers and location and snow. A lot to think about.

I'm at a place right now where I'm just like....okay, if the one I want doesn't work out, and I get offered this other one...do I take it, or do I keep applying? There's a few out there still open that are what I truly want to do. That means there's hope, right?  Ugh.

So yeah, this was a quick one because honestly, I don't want to "reflect" too much right now. I'm "reflecting" all day, every day. Growing up is awful.

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...And a Job #21

Hello friends!

Again, I hope you'll forgive me for waiting a week, but in return I promise to make this one exciting :)

So, lots to catch up on! First, I'm officially a Master! We had our hooding ceremony on Friday, and I have to say, it still feels weird to note that I'm a "former" grad student. The ceremony was amazing - our program does a great job of really putting together something special for us. My family came to town, so it was wonderful to get to spend time with them, and overall it was just a great time. Unfortunately, the morning of hooding I took a little tumble when heading out to take photos with my cohort and dislocated my knee (not a medical emergency, I have lots of knee problems and have for years)....I think it was through sheer adrenaline and will power alone that I managed to walk across the stage! But in the end, I made it. The ceremony brought tears to my eyes -- happy tears of course -- but it's a little sad to think that this chapter of my life has come to a close. It's 4 days later and cohort mates are already moving off and starting their new lives from here, so that's a little sad to think about. But, let's not dwell there, shall we?

The weekend was amazing, though not what we had planned. My family stayed in town all weekend, and rather than exciting day trips we spent a lot of time with my leg propped up in the hotel room and me driving motorized scooters around Target....but I really don't care because it was so great to spend time with my family. I kind of love them.

So then...this week! Well, on Monday I had my first official "on campus" interview! HOORAY I DID IT! It was actually at my current institution, so it was kind of a unique interview. I knew most of the folks that I was meeting with, and it was a bit harder to come up with good questions, but overall I think it went well. I would really love to have that position - I think it's an opportunity to really have a positive impact on the campus, and there are the benefits of being able to leverage relationships and knowledge from grad school in moving forward. So, there's that.

And now....well, now I'm writing this entry from the airport (though not the airport I had planned on....) and en route to another on campus interview, this one quite far from home or anywhere I have ever called home. Similar position though, very different institution. I am really excited to get up there and check things out, and I've worked hard preparing a presentation and portfolio for the interview. Lots of nerves too though...and to really top things off...well, I boarded my first flight no problem...then imagine sitting in a tiny airplane that's literally about 96 degrees in the cabin for about 30 minutes and then finding out you would have to deplane because of a maintenance issue. Let me tell you--- there were some angry, sweaty people at the airline counter with me. So got off the original plane and now am rescheduled for new flights later in the evening....overall putting me getting onto campus at oh...you know...MIDNIGHT! Ugh! Haha I'm going to be a mess tomorrow during my interview, but hopefully I can pull it together. Tis the life, I guess.

Anyway, in other news....both roomies currently have job offers, as does one of my best friends! I can't believe it -- things are really coming together!!! It's strange that we went from like super stressed to where we are now so quickly...and got our hoods in the meantime!

I'll stop for now so I can go enjoy my horrendously overpriced airport food and await my future flight, but overall, things are pretty crazy and great right now!

A Wish Your Heart Makes 19

If I were to be honest with myself, I would have to say that grad school has been one big lesson in feeling like a failure.

I think there is some relentless nagging voice that keeps yelling "no, you're great and you're awesome" but I find myself hissing back "shut up already, I'm trying to stuff my face with ice cream and count how many of my friends on facebook are engaged.' While it is probably true that I am way to critical of myself, I also feel that there is something valuable in realizing that I am not faultless.

I have felt pulled in more directions than any human being should, and I always feel like I'm coming up short. Immediately after classes ended I was so eager to lie in a ball under my sheets and bask in the fact that I was responsible to NO ONE. I had no obligations, no one needed, no emails were urgent, I was freeee. But I was merely in the limbo between realities and once my cell phone bill arrived, I realized that I NEEDED a job.

I keep hearing that the first year of any job is a nightmare, wrapped in a crapshow, cocooned in a hell hole and tied up with a string of anxiety. Always the annoyingly reflective lad who ends up giving some Gandhi-like answer to even the simplest of questions, I keep pondering how to prepare myself for this next frontier. I have barely regained my bearings on my identity and self-confidence and now I feel like I'm being thrown into a den of wolves. I'm probably being a bit dramatic BUT I am trying to savor my last moments as a student. People still forgive me for showing up two hours late to work and treat every bump in the road like a developmental moment. As much as goodbye's are hard, I realize I am surrounded by some pretty incredible people who have a lot of wisdom to share. And everyone has had a first year on a job, everyone has felt like a failure.

As I start to come to terms with the fact that THIS is ending and something else is beginning, I know there are ways I can prepare to make it an experience that I will feel positive about, no matter how many bloopers I have.

Until next time,

A Wish Your Heart Makes 18

I have to admit that my job search process has been a little unusual.

But I guess every search is sort of like a snowflake and you can't really prepare yourself for the snowballs that will hurl themselves at your life.

I remember the year before I decided to go into graduate school. I was unsure if I should go back to school or find a job that I loved. I eventually decided that getting my Masters degree was a better use of the time, energy, and money. Yet, before I came to that decision I applied to about 30 jobs. I only landed a handful of interviews which resulted in zero offers. It was a pretty depressing time and I felt like I was playing a game of darts blindfolded. As someone who doesn't roll with uncertainty really well, it left me incredibly unsettled.

I imagined this time around would be a lot of the same feelings so I tried to mentally and emotionally prepare myself all throughout the Fall. And then, it was kind of like people were throwing jobs at me. I've had the opportunity to sit on both sides of the figurative job searching table and so I've gained a little more insight into what this whole process can be like. In many ways, people wanted me to be a part of their applicant pool even if they weren't sure if I would be the final candidate standing. I appreciated these efforts and am fortunate that people are able to see something in me I can't see in myself.

I recently had to turn down a job and have had to state that I wouldn't apply for other jobs. It always feels a little weird and I feel ungrateful. But it feels empowering to have a focus and a certainty about who I am and who I am not.

So, I guess, you may be wondering "so what?" Especially if you are in the process of playing a game of darts blindfolded. It can be frustrating to hear someone say "like omg people were just throwing jobs at me." Well, I think I did work hard. I mean people don't just throw jobs at people who are ineffective and useless. And people don't throw jobs at strangers. So I took away that it helps to both show up and be out. Show up in your activities and responsibilities and don't get caught up in the be everything to everyone race. And also get out and network and meet people. I did a lot of informational interviewing and I love keeping in contact with people from many areas of my life. It may be unhelpful information if you are in the pit of finding jobs and don't really have time to start shmoozing. But it is def something to keep in mind as you set yourself up for your next job.

I also felt that it was helpful to know what filled me up. My boss let me know this tidbit because it helped me say no to some pretty attractive set ups. A job doesn't necessarily have a deadline and you could be stuck in some crappy situation for a number of years. Been there done that and not interested. No job was perfect but I def had to keep track of what would allow me to use my skills and feel connected to something larger than myself. That kind of soul searching came out of a lot of heart to hearts with friends, mentors and colleagues. And I also trusted my gut which has rarely steered me in the wrong direction. It feels weird to say no but as I look back over my life I know I've always ended up where I needed to be. There were no wrong decisions.

Good luck out there,

Until Next Time

A Wish Your Heart Makes 17

Endings are hard.

This is the conclusion I have come to.

In my experience, people tend to do some pretty erratic things when endings approach. My own program has been riddled with bizarre and jarring events that left me in a really unsettling emotional place. I think I managed to emerge from the ruins with a slimmer of hope and some good lessons learned. Yet it reinforced that endings ARE hard and our human lives do not adequately prepare us with the skills to approach them in a fulfilling way.

I had this moment where I was talking with my doctor and she reminded me that my student health insurance is running out and I needed to find another doctor. I was shocked. Of course I knew this moment was coming but it still felt like she had punched me in the gut. I really like her and the whole thought of just not seeing her on a regular basis seemed...well...wrong? Even though I ended up a doctor who might be a much better fit, my logical mind could not convince me emotional soul.

I have reintroduced myself to these scary feelings when it comes to both my job search and finishing up my job responsibilities here. I guess somewhere in my life I was led to believe that endings should wrap themselves up like perfectly designed Martha Stewart birthday gifts. The reality is that endings are often messy, chaotic and unassuming. They creep up on you or steam roll you when you are least expecting it. And the next things comes. The next relationship, the next job, the next apartment, etc.

After experiencing the death of my mother I have learned how important it is to grieve. Endings are a form of death and it is important to acknowledge the emotions that surface. I have come to appreciate rituals and ceremonies because they allow a form of closure and time to reflect that at least leaves me feeling a little bit more secure with an ending.

I was experiencing these emotions acutely this week. I had to decided to decline an offer of a part time job turning into a full time job. Besides feeling like it wasn't the right fit, there were numerous red flags. Even if I didn't have other options, I would still known that declining this job was the right choice.  I dreaded waking up in the morning to go and that feeling wasn't going away. But it was hard because I felt like I had failed in some way and I felt like I had disappointed my boss. I got some good advice in the beginning of this job search "don't just take a job because you're offered it." And while it can be hard to follow that logic when you have bills to pay and families to honor, there is a lot of truth in that sentiment. It felt both wrong and right and it has been messy trying to navigate revealing this truth to my current boss.

And then of course there is this feeling of being pushed away, of your part in the story ending without any pomp or circumstance. Everything moves on without me and I feel disposable and invalidated. This is life. I think as student affairs professionals who have been nurtured and developed throughout our life as students and leaders, we forget that jobs are not leadership positions. No one has an obligation to protect our feelings or assist us in moving through vectors and achieving cognitive dissonance. We are employees and cogs in the machine and we are paid to do a job. And we are replaceable and there is always someone that can probably do our job better than us. It's a harsh reality to realize that yes you are special but you are not a glittery flying unicorn.

The End.

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...and a Job #20

Yay, actual updates! To begin, I shall do a revised "by the numbers" since that seemed to be a big hit (and by that I mean my friends who I disclosed I am writing this to really seemed to like it, and I like it, so yeah.)...

My Job Search By The Numbers

Days since I began applying: 188

Days until I am a “Master”: 3

Days until I really freak out if I don’t have a job: 86

Applications Put In: 25

First-Round Interview Offers: 4

Second-Round Interview Offers: 2

Anddddd I think we’ll stop there because I’m feeling pretty optimistic right now!

So, basically, good things came from a couple of my interviews last week. I have an on-campus on Monday, and I got a call from another institution today offering an on-campus. Pretty cool. I also have a top pick…which I am interviewing for on Monday…and if I get that position…well, I guess I’m done! Crazy to think it might just end all of a sudden.

And good things have been happening for my wonderful friends! I have one who had a first-round Skype interview yesterday and they literally flew him out for an on-campus TODAY, another got her first on-campus offer today, and one of my wonderful roomies accepted a position today! What fantastic things!!

AND on top of those things, I’m FINISHED with my Master’s degree! Hooding is on Friday, but I turned in my final paper yesterday! So excited to finally be done (at least for a little while). I have a few work projects I am wrapping up, but it’s weird to not feel constantly overwhelmed by my to-do list! I actually read a book for fun!

Overall, things are good right now. Interviews are coming in, friends are having successes that make me so happy for them, I’ve earned a Master’s degree and get to celebrate that with my family and people that I love in the very near future…so why am I so not happy right now? Ugh. I don’t get it. I know it most likely has to do with biology factors that are out of my control, but learning to accept that is a pain. I have all of these wonderful things happening, which then makes me feel even worse/more guilty about being in a rough patch with my emotions/mental state/whatever. Is that weird? Also I know that change and uncertainty is triggering for me, and regardless of the exciting-ness that is this process, it’s all about change and uncertainty…and as much as I can cognitively try to ignore that, it’s still there. It’s frustrating. Like, really frustrating.

But I didn’t come here to complain, and that’s not what you want to hear about anyway. Besides, I have things to do! A hooding ceremony and fun times with family and friends to get ready for, work projects to wrap up, interviews to prep for (and finish my outfits for!!), and a pleasure reading list a mile long ;) Plus soaking up these last few days of not being a professional….it’s crazy to think about!

For some reason, this quote sprang to mind when I was trying to figure out how to close this post, both for readers and for me (writing here is a very…reflective/emotive/etc. process for me), so I’ll just leave it right here…

When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. – Audre Lorde

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...And a Job #19 Bonus!

I'm not going to tell you which institution this came from, but this was just emailed to one of my colleagues who is also job searching....evidently they set up an agent on a certain institution's website to send out job announcements, and somehow this position aligns with their designated career interests. For the record, they are mostly looking at assessment and enrollment management. Guess they can manage pests?

Just thought this was funny.

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...and A Job #19

Hello there, friends. Apologies for my delayed absence, as usual...but...I have news! And now that things seem to actually be happening, I'll be motivated to post more frequently since I'll actually have things to say. So, hooray! Keep coming back for updates -- I'll try to leave some cliffhangers :)

Okay, so first things first. You know the old adage "A watched pot never boils"? Well, I'm shifting it up -- it shall now be "A watched phone never rings". Over the past 2 days I've been jumping out of my skin just about every time I hear a phone go off....so....yes, I am waiting on a call.

Let me tell you this strange story that happened. There happens to be a vacancy at my current institution in the area that I want to go into - coordinator position...good stuff. The person who was in the position left back in October, and at the time there was some confusing talk about hiring an interim (me), and I was encouraged to go ahead and submit my application. I submitted it in October. It sat there, somewhere in the cyber universe, quietly waiting. When I was finally contacted and offered a phone interview in February, I had moved on, was frustrated with the process, and fed up with my current location, so I declined the offer. So, the end. Right? Wrong. Evidently a candidate has not been found yet, and last week I was contacted and asked to "come in and talk about my interest in the position" -- so, an interview. I took it, and I think it went pretty well. Not my best (I rambled too much), but pretty well. And let me tell you something....the more I have reflected on it, I REALLY want this position. I really, truly do. I know it would be full of challenges, but also full of amazing opportunity. I also recognize that it would be stupid to turn down direct experience in the field I want to go into, especially since my GA experiences have not been directly in that area. And...I don't hate my location as much as I thought. It has some good points. And I have people here that I care a lot about, so that's a plus...

So anyway, at the end of the interview the interviewer made it very clear that this would be an expedited process...and if they want to move forward with me, I honestly thought I would hear something like yesterday, or today at the latest. I don't know if I'm being silly by thinking they would move that quickly, and I should relax...or if they decided I'm not going to be a good fit? Ugh, it's driving me nuts. I think this is MUCH worse than just having applications out there in cyberspace....there's like another level of investment that makes it worse. So, yeah...that's where I am right now.

In other news, during the 5 minutes that I haven't been staring at my phone willing it to ring (aka when I was in the Taco Bell drive-thru...don't judge, I'm having stressful times right now), I got a call from another institution offering me a phone interview, which I have scheduled for Thursday morning. It's a very different institution than I am used to...and a VERY different location, but it's an interview! Hooray! In less hooray news...I've also gotten 2 email rejections in 2 days. One I was not surprised by, but one I was pretty bummed about.

So that's where my search is. I have about 25 positions on my spreadsheet to apply for still, but it's hard to sit down and do them when I really want to hear back about this one position, plus I have just ONE 6 page paper left to my academic Master's career!!! But I need to sit down and get it done.

Now, let's talk about my friends/colleagues/cohort mates for a minute. First, I did a little counting, and as far as I know, 9 of 48 in my cohort have jobs at this point. Okay, so those odds make me feel a little better, right? We also heard some tough news this week - I have a close friend who did TPE and has had a couple of on-campus interviews following, and there was an institution that they were totally in love with....who hired someone else. Someone we know (though not in our cohort). And while I think they are dealing with it pretty well - it's very clear that since the institution went with this particular individual they are looking for something VERY different than what my friend has to offer...but still, it's been tough. Also, I happened to be the one to see it on Facebook and brought it to their attention thinking they already knew....and I feel super guilty about that. Oops. But in happy news, one roommate had another successful on campus last week, the other has 2 first-rounds this week, my "Mom" has a first-round....good things are happening!

So...that's where things are. Now that I'm FINISHED with CLASSES (and only one paper left to write!), I'll try to be more diligent. Also, hopefully I'll have things to talk about!

Also, I'm glad that this blog has been helpful/supportive/affirming/positive/all kinds of happy things to some folks out there also on the job search -- keep commenting! Comments make me feel warm and fuzzy inside :) And if you're not job searching and reading this to either prepare for the future or laugh about a process that you are thankful not to be in right now...well, keep sending those good vibes out into the universe for us!

A Wish Your Heart Makes 16

Rejection.

I meant to write this post right after I got the phone call but I thought I would give my self some time to process.
Instead I jotted some of my thoughts down on little pieces of paper as a form of shock therapy. I even googled a bunch of information on job rejection and found some surprisingly good information that really helped me feel like I wasn't going insane.
Literally, the thing I was most afraid of happening happened. I didn't get the job I had poured my whole heart into and it really sucked. I had to bite my lip on the phone to keep from bursting into tears. But as soon as I hit that end button I let them all flow and I just sat there and threw myself the biggest pity party of one. I immediately texted my friends and mentor because I could feel myself slipping into an abyss of depression that I wasn't sure I could get out off.
I started to believe all of my negative thoughts about myself, went over all the ways I had possibly failed, thought of all the ways I could have interviewed better, let myself believe that the world was ending before I zapped back into reality.
As if on cue, the flood of reassuring texts and phone calls flooded in bringing me back to reality and some logical thinking. Of course there is going to be rejection, I had been on the other part of the table and I knew the odd juggle you do to find the best fit candidate. Some times you have to let some really good balls drop and it doesn't mean they aren't awesome, just that they are not the right balance of whatever you were looking for.
I thought of some achievements I had made that year, gosh, even that week. And I resolved that even though I didn't get the job, I had an amazing interview.
It still hurt, that was real, and I really felt like such a failure. And, seriously, it was like every shortcoming in my life rose to the surface in that moment and I couldn't have felt worse about myself.

But I started to wipe away the confetti from the pity party and reflect on the conversation. They said they loved me and the candidate they went with was already doing the work they needed the candidate to do. Fair. How could I not want the best candidate for a job I loved so much. And then there was something else, they told me they would still like to work with me and let me know about some other positions in the office.

I was still too much in a grieving process to let that last fact set in. Even when I looked at the other job and realized that it was a perfect fit and I absolutely loved it.

It took me a weekend to really sort out my feelings. In some ways I felt free to start the search again and see what the world had to offer. But I came to realize that I loved this institution and office and that something just felt right about this.

Of course I had to talk to everyone and their imaginary friend to process what I already knew to be true:  I was going to apply to that job.

I mean that's a good way to end that story, and now I start the waiting game again. I also looked at jobs at other institutions but there is something drawing me to this institution in a way I can't fully explain. And so here we go again, be still my fragile heart. Unrequitted love is a rough ride. In honor of trying to resist the love (did I post this one already, ha)

Until Next Time

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...And a Job #18

Ugh....really? It's been 11 days? What the hell am I doing with my life? You would think that keeping my email about blogging in my inbox, staring at me accusingly every day would keep me going, but it's been tough. Sorry followers, I'll be better!

To my blog counterpart, congratulations on the on-campuses! To my followers....well, sorry this is a post from me because I guarantee it is much less exciting. Ha.

My number of job interviews since last post = ....wait for it.....ZERO! Hooray!!!! Ugh.

I'm trying really hard not to get down about things, but it's a little frustrating when it seems like everyone around me has an interview a week. Our program director is like super supportive and full of rainbows and sunshine and keeps telling us how this is an unprecedented year in the search process, that no cohort has every had so many interviews this early in the game, how it's totally fine if we aren't getting floods of emails and calls yet....right. Still tough to be one of the ones needing the reassurance. If any of you out there just want to send me random messages offering me interviews, that would be great.

In a sick way though, it's kind of fun. The commiserating part, I mean. All of the second-years in my program are basically in the same boat, so we always have something to talk about. We all are trying not to scream at parents every time they ask "how's the job search?", trying to remember that we should probably at least attempt to finish strong at work, trying to pretend we don't check our personal work inboxes at least 5 times more than we used to hoping for some kind of notice....I don't know. Maybe I sound crazy. But I'm pretty sure I'll look back on this time and laugh about all of our nonsense, and I'll be nostalgic about it too. It makes me sad that my best friend from the program is already off and working his little heart out -- like he's missing out on some sick version of fun.

Anyway, moving on. I guess it's a positive thing that the majority of applications I have submitted are at least still in process or something -- like, I'm not getting active rejections. That's something, right? Woo - positivity!

In other news...well, there's not a lot. We are officially in banquet/stress season, so I will be wearing a garbage bag to hooding to accommodate the 900 pounds I will gain between now and then. Come at me, pizza. Umm...I have 3 more assignments for classes. Just THREE. But my motivation to do them is at absolute zero. My final paper is for this one class where I've definitely been ummm "phoning it in" all semester (do people even say that?!?!) -- I wonder if my professor will notice if I write the entire thing in a wine haze the night before it's due? That's a good idea, right?

Kids, professionals with their lives together, potential employers, parents, current first-years in student affairs....whoever is out there....don't judge me. It's not nice.

So yeah, that's where things are right now. Tonight I was working at my office (yes, it's Sunday), and I had to leave at 9:00 pm because I was alone and I laughed for 10 minutes straight listening to Jim Gaffigan on Spotify. I almost passed out from laughing so hard, so I left, because I didn't want my body to be found at my desk tomorrow morning. Talk about awkward. Let me see if I can find that gem for you...Okay, can't find the video. But if you have Spotify...Jim Gaffigan, Mr. Universe, track 12 - Subway. That and a bottle of $4 Moscato...you've got yourself a night, darling.

A Wish Your Heart Makes 15

As my counterpart has expressed, I am amazed at how fast the weeks have gone by and doubly shamed that I have neglected my twice a week commitment. Although, at this point I forgive myself. I do a million things everyday. I juggle a million balls and a million commitments and still manage to have achievements each day (yay, got a shower in). What is this pressure I feel to be so on top of EVERYTHING, when nothing about grad school makes any sense? So I forgive myself and I hope you forgive yourself too.

It has been an exhausting few weeks. I had an on campus two weeks ago today. I've heard from a couple of people that they were called for reference checks and I feel both excited and scared. I know they said positive things but now I know if I don't get it I will wonder wonder wonder WHY? This state of constant worry and anxiety has been plaguing me all semester. My doctor even urged me to go on medication. I was at first reluctant but there were mornings when the crushing anxiety about the day was so overwhelming I couldn't get out of bed. So on the medication I went.

I have a lot of languages for issues that come up on my life. Yet, no concrete language about my mental health. There have been points in grad school when I wasn't sure if I was on the verge of some sort of mental break or just feeling stress. That's a scary place to be and can be the difference between managing the stress and regaining my life back or shrinking further and further into the recesses of my own angst. So I've been more intentional over the past few weeks about regaining some control over my stress, angst and overall mental health.

It's timely because there is a lot going on and it all triggers very intense emotions for me. Things ending, things beginning, transitions, change, competitive job search environments, feeling the need to succeed. It doesn't help that most people who I spend time with are in the same angsty position. I need to finish strong and get out of this process in a healthy and intact way, ahha. So I've come up with a new mantra:

The anxiety has no meaning.

I say this whenever my anxious worry thoughts start to cloud my mind. I repeat it until I come back to the present where I can either make a plan or just sit in the uncertainty that is sometimes life. Saying the anxiety has no meaning does not mean that there aren't real life issues at stake with finding a job, graduating and being successful. It simply says to the anxiety and my mind that the anxiety is not helping when it becomes bigger than me, it is not something I need to explore and understand. It just is and it has no meaning. It has proven to be a helpful exercise that has kept me grounded as I wait for some knowledge about what my next steps will be.

This job search process doesn't define me and neither does the graduate school experience. They are apart of my life but they do not define my life. As long as I stay an active and conscious participant in the life that is unfolding before me, I will be ok. Or I won't. But whatever. The anxiety has no meaning.  It's sort of like when I was a kid and I would start to fear there was a monster under my bed. Reminding myself of that implausibility helped me get a good night sleep. Reminding myself that the anxiety has no meaning and does not need to define me is helping me have a good life.

It's going to fine. Or it won't. But it won't define you.

Hakuna Matata peeps.

Until Next Time

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...And A Job #17

So, I have been thinking about numbers lately, for some reason, when it comes to my job search. Additionally, every time I write a cover letter I go in and do a little research on the institution -- and frequently find myself on a "facts and figures" type page. So...instead, how about doing the same for my job search.

I present to you...

My Job Search By The Numbers

Days since I began applying: 161

Days until I am a “Master”: 30

Days until I really freak out if I don’t have a job: 114

Applications Put In: 19

First-Round Interview Offers: 3

Second-Round Interview Offers: 0

Positions Offered: 0 (clearly.)

Rejections/Position is Filled: 6

Positions Currently on My “To Apply” Spreadsheet: 33

Average of Apps Per Day: 0.12 apps/day

Ideal Average of Apps Per Day: 1.67 apps/day

Number of Job Agents on Higheredjobs.com: 7

States I Would Ideally Get a Job In: less than 10

States I would Take a Job In: depending on the date….more than 50?

Ideal Salary: $38,000 - $42,000 – depends a lot on location

Minimum Salary: Anything that keeps me from living in a hut made of Franzia boxes

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...and a Job #16

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I swear I have posted in the last 2 weeks -- only once, unfortunately...but I know I wrote one last week...I wonder where it went? The mysteries of technology astound me. Or maybe I'm just losing it. Either is probably just as likely.

Anyway, apologies for my absence. I wish I could tell you I would make this one a good one to make up for it but...

So what's been going on in job search world? Well, first I can tell you that I'm getting realllllllly sick of answering that question - and I know all of our second-years are....yet every time we are hanging out with someone that we don't see all the time (which at this point is officially people I live with or work with because that's all I do...) we can't seem to ask each other anything else. And it's all the first-years ask too. And people we work with. And my parents. And my friends from home. And strangers off the street.

Okay, maybe not that last one, but I feel like I'm constantly talking about it, and the more I talk, the more freaked out I get. Maybe I've been subconsciously avoiding my digital world because I'm tired of talking about it? Haha, whatever.

Basically, no news for now. Still doing applications (though I feel guilty for not doing any over the weekend because I was focused on an assignment for school), but haven't had any interviews except for the one phone interview. Honestly I'm not that worried - I know that it's still early in the process, especially since I'm not looking at housing/res life positions. But the process seems to be starting a lot earlier in a lot of areas this year, and I'm starting to feel a little left out and anxious.

I do have some great news from people I love though! One of my roommates and one of my very best friends in the program both had wonderful on campus interviews last week and I have my fingers crossed that their phones will be ringing any moment now. On top of that, my amazing co-intern from the summer got an offer!! I am so unbelievably excited for him - it's the perfect opportunity for him-- and it means we don't have to worry about competing against each other, ha. Perfect!

On my end of things though....well, I've accepted that a vagrant life where I just travel around and hang out with all of my friends who get great jobs in cool places is also an option. Unfortunately I have far too much stuff to live in my car, so I guess if I want to keep up my shoe addiction that should be motivation to get a job. Kidding. Mostly...

Right now I'm in a frustrating place because seriously all I want to do is apply for jobs. I have a spreadsheet a mile long, and I just want to tackle it and apply apply apply apply apply. Butttttttt I have huge assignments for school and tons of work and prac projects left, and those aren't going to do themselves. I just have zero motivation to do them. I know I need to focus on finishing strong and all that jazz, but I just want to apply for jobs and hang out with friends and lay in my bed dreading the future. Is that so much to ask?

Haha, I don't mean to throw a pity party. Really things are fine. I'm hoping to start to hear back from places soon, but until then I'll keep trucking along and applying and doing my work and living the dream. I'm actually super happy right now...I have an amazing family members out accomplishing great things (my sister just got tapped for the most selective leadership honorary at our undergrad institution - I am so proud of her!!!), friends who keep me smiling and holding my head up, a new, well...no labels, but someone who makes me grin goofily all the time, work that I am passionate about, students I care about....all kinds of great things. Just yesterday a student I taught last semester asked if I would write a letter of recommendation for her, and today one of the students I advise asked if I would be a reference for her. How cool is that?!?!?

I'll close this out on a happier note -- tonight I called my grandmother since I hadn't talked to her in a while. I wanted to let her know that I dropped an invitation to my Hooding ceremony in the mail to her, and I wanted her to have it to show off (she loves showing off the accomplishments of my sister and I) even though I knew she couldn't make the drive for the ceremony. She was telling me how proud she was of me and how she knew my accomplishments now would make my Pappaw proud...he was my grandfather who passed away when I was 6, right as I finished up kindergarten. He was an educator for all of his life and a well-known high school principal in my hometown for many many years, and he was a huge influence in my life. He taught me to read before I was even in kindergarten, and I am confident that my love for learning and for educating others is driven by those few early years I had with him. She then asked me an interesting question....she asked if I thought he knew what I was doing, if he could still see us. Now, don't worry, I'm not about to expound on my spiritual views on the afterlife...instead I told her that whether or not he can see it, I do the work that I do to carry on his legacy, and I think that's the important part. That I seek to share the gift that he shared with me and so many other people. And I truly do believe that. I know it's sappy, but it's true. I hadn't really thought about how important he is to me still, and how much of an influence he has been on me. I just know that whenever I see the dogwoods blooming all over campus, I think of him.

A Wish Your Heart Makes 14

Well hellloooo!!

The countdown begins and the angst sets in, hhaa. I think my body has finally had enough of the not eating right, not sleeping at all, stressful environment fun and is succumbing to some sort of bug. Fun times. At least it is hitting me after I have finished my comps and my first on campus interview. So yay, for silver linings.

And about that on campus interview.

I had an incredible time, which is not what I was expecting to come away saying. My on campus is for a job that I was initially reluctant to apply for. It IS in a field that I want to go into but there were parts of the job that I thought I would not enjoy. I was encouraged to apply by a current staff member and after a little informational interviewing, I felt confident enough to submit my materials. I am really excited about this job which is pretty scary for me. I hate let downs and I like preparing for the worst, so I'm reluctant to admit how much this job feels like a good fit and how thrilled I would be if I landed it. I'll give a little rundown of the day, how I prepared, what I learned, and all that jazz.

The day:
It was an all day interview at my current campus so there wasn't any intense traveling involved. Here was the flow:
- Greet search committee chair, ask/answer any prep questions/prepare presentation
- Give presentation: I gave a 10 minute presentation to about half of the staff on my work with college students and then answered questions for about another 30 minutes
- Meet with search committee: Went through the traditional interview song and dance while "being myself" and trying to answer questions without sounding like a toolbag or dud.
- Tour of Campus: Fun stuff
- Lunch with students: This was great and by far my favorite part. It was relaxed but, you know, still an interview
- Wrap up with search committee member: Exhausted but still trying to be perky, ask good questions, and not say anything spazzy.
-Home-sweatpants- sleeeeep.

So how did I prepare:
Fortunately my graduate program does a series for second years on the job search. We had just done a session on interviewing so I had some helpful worksheets on how to craft examples of my skills and experience and good follow up questions. I had done my research on the job, the institution and the culture so I felt really comfortable navigating those questions. I can't stress how important it is to have concrete examples from your experiences. It helped me to write a list of them so I wasn't scrambling around for the same old crusty story when I had to talk about how I managed stress, or planned my time. Here is a technique we used: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Situation,_Task,_Action,_Result

I had a skype sess with my mentor and she gave me some great questions to consider and helped talk me through some of my experiences, successes and challenges. I also crafted my responses to those tricky questions like "what is your weakness." I wanted to be honest AND I WAS but I also think it's important to talk about how you work on your weaknesses. Like saying "I'm not the most detail oriented person so I try to make sure I communicate that to my team and work with people who may be stronger in that area when working on a project, blah blah blah. I didn't want to sound too rehearsed but I also wanted to avoid rambling. It's a fine line but achievable.

I don't mind presenting so it wasn't the scary part for me. I was given a topic and I tried to incorporate my philosophies on college student development and examples from my past experiences. I think it went well.

Most of the interview was just me being me, but a more polished version. I really did feel like I could be myself which helped me feel it was a good fit. I made sure to follow up a few hours after with emails to the search committee letting them know how much I enjoyed my day and included my list of references. I got the timeline and I'll keep an ear out for the phone. eeeeek.

So that was that, first on campus done. I really started freaking out in the final moments about stuff like what I should wear and what theme I should use for my powerpoint. I will advise you to breath and have someone that you can ask advice from wether it be a mentor, colleague or cohort buddy. It felt like preparing for a research paper and I think that prep allowed me to feel more confident and collected and I could really let my personality shine through.

So that's it for now, good luck with all that stuff you probably have going on. Be back with updates from my life sooooon.

Until Next Time,

A Wish Your Heart Makes 13

I feel really bad for falling off the face of the earth.

March madness does not even begin to explain the tumultuous nature of this month as I'm sure many of you have experienced.

I went to my first NASPA and had an amazing time. I was surprised at how many people I reconnected with. It was a great learning experience as well. I mean, I thought that with school and such my brain would be a little burnt out. But I appreciated the real world examples and the applicability of the session content.

I am really looking forward to NASPA Baltimore. I also hope to get more involved with NASPA during my career.  Our profession is filled with some great individuals and it was powerful to be connected to that for a few days.

Of course I came back to The Real World: Grad School and was thrown into comps/job search bonanza. I didn't do TPE so I was momentarily spared from the intensity of emotions surrounding that event. But once I rounded the bend of my comps, the stark horizon of my future became glaringly clear. Graduation was coming and a job needed to be found!!!! I have my first on campus tomorrow and I'm trying to prepare for it without being too anxiety prone.

It's hard for me to allow myself to really want something. I worry to much to feel peaceful with that type of emotion. Negative thoughts start to cloud my thinking and I ponder over if I am even qualified or if I can even do the job well. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.

That's why I have found it so helpful to have a cadre of cheerleaders who spur me on to believe in myself and achieve impossible things. One activity a mentor convinced me to do was to write down my accomplishments and areas where I have made an impact. It sounds cheesy but it definitely lifts the spirits. I mean these are things you have already done to prove yourself and these are examples you can use in future interviews. So it is both uplifting and productive.

This can also help when considering if you should apply for a position. I think it's really easy to forget how awesome we all are. If you don't have anyone reminding you, then take a cue from my mentor and start your list of awesome things you've done. And then imagine yourself in the position, making those things a reality again and again. It has also helped me when thinking of questions to ask at the interview. It shows I've really engaged with the position and thought about it.

I hope to give you a positive report of my on campus interviewing lessons learned by the end of the week. Good luck with your searches and for rounding the bend of an incredible experience.
Here's some Disney love.

Until Next Time,

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...And a Job #15

Hi everyone!

So, it's been a whirlwind since NASPA - apologies for the lack of posting! Here's some updates for you all...

I guess I should start with NASPA...it's kind of a big deal. I don't know that I can really summarize the experience accurately, but I'll do my best. I am so unbelievably happy I went; it truly was an amazing conference. First, I was very impressed by the selection of keynote speakers, particularly Dustin Lance Black. Him, combined with the central presence of a gender neutral restroom and the inclusion of PGP stickers with registration to put on our namebadges, really made a statement about the importance of LGBTQ issues within NASPA, and I was very excited to see that. Obviously there's always work to be done, but it was very refreshing.

Second, I definitely tailored my experience to focus on LGBTQ issues, and it was totally worth it. The sessions were very well put together, and there was a range of program topics even within my focus on LGBTQ issues. A cool side aspect...I totally felt like a celebrity a few times - I know, totally nerdy, but it was kind of cool. The LGBTQ student affairs world is small, and I presented on my summer internship project at another conference -- and then folks recognized me from it and asked about it and whatnot. It was very, very cool. It was also great to network with tons of new folks, including tons of other queer grads from across the country. I definitely need to grab my stack of business cards and start following up.

Third, though I've always felt that I'm far too introverted for conferences and that I'm terrible at networking, I think I actually did okay. I met a ton of new people, and collected/passed out lots of cards. It was so great to have conversations with such a range of cool folks doing different things in different places. By Tuesday evening I was pretty much completely exhausted and not ready to meet anyone else...fitting, since the session I ended up going to on Wednesday morning was on being an introvert in student affairs ;) Overall though, I think I'm learning.

Finally, I just really appreciated the opportunity to see so many people who care about generally the same things. The whole conference was a reminder of why and how I ended up in this field, and how excited I am to move forward. I connected with a colleague from undergrad, learned so many new things, and generally got some fire back in me about the work I and so many others are doing. The job search + work + school + everything else can really wear on you, so it was nice to have a reminder to bring back why I'm doing what I'm doing.

So, that's NASPA. Overall, very positive. The drive back...not so much. 1500 miles in just over a week was far too much time in the car. We were a little loony by the time we finally made it back.

Since returning...well, it's been crazy. Getting back to work, trying to clean out my inbox, writing a 10 page paper, preparing for a huge social justice program on campus that I'm co-running....all in a day's work, right?  No. Totally exhausted right now.

I will say that the social justice program I am working on/running right now came together amazingly, and I'm so excited to see the overall outcomes. I'm sure I'll chat more about it later on, but for now I kind of want to turn my brain off.

As for jobs - starting hearing back from a few! Unfortunately, 2 were rejections....one I wasn't surprised by - I really don't have the experience they are looking for. The other was kind of silly - I didn't get through HR because I don't have my Master's yet...even though I will have it before the start date? And the HR department said I could reapply after I get my Master's if the position isn't filled yet? So strange. But I got put through to the hiring committee at one location, and I have plenty more I need to sit down and apply for once I make it through this week!

So, I'm going to wrap this one up for now -- enjoy :) Chat again soon!

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...and a Job #14

Hi!

Quick update for everyone! I survived my trip to the beach and am safely ensconced in my hotel room at NASPA :) Hooray!

The beach was great - very sunny. A little too sunny, as I am now totally sunburned. I suppose if you see peel-y face Rudolph girl hanging out at the conference you may guess who I am. Hopefully it will fade quickly though. It was relaxing to just spend time with friends, cook, sleep, and read...for fun! Ahh!!

We just registered and everything this morning and are ready to go - my roomies and I will be hitting up the First-Time Attendees session this afternoon and going from there. Last night we had dinner with two of our friends/cohort-mates who have been going through TPE....they are AMAZING and I know they will get rocking jobs -- but ooo TPE did not sound like a fun process. Way too overwhelming for me. But it's nice to hear about their experiences and learn some of the crazy questions they have been asked.

So, here we go...NASPA! If you think you meet me, feel free to ask ;) It can be like Gossip Girl, student affairs style. I'm hoping to meet lots of cool folks, including folks from some of the institutions I have been applying to. I already had an exciting moment this morning when I ran into a colleague I met during my summer internship and we had a second to catch up! I felt so....legitimate? Ha. It was great though, and I hope for many, many more.

If you have NASPA advice you want to share, post some comments for me. Also, maybe I'll run into my blog co-author! Hello "Wish Your Heart Makes"! I found this and thought of you and your (and my) love for Disney, so I wanted to share with you: What It's Like to Be in College, as Told by our Favorite Disney Characters. I would love to actually meet you if we can figure that out!

I may not have a chance to update again until I get back, so ta-ta for now. Enjoy the conference if you're here :)

A Wish Your Heart Makes 12

Woah! Woah! Woah!

I know I disappeared off the earth, I mean, in case anyone was wondering (crickets.)

Well I got a little sidetracked with school, comps, and the rest of my life and the days flew by faster than I could imagine. Yet, my job search has not halted.

I recently applied for a job that I would really love. I think. I have a hard time letting myself believe or think that I really want it. Probably, as a protective coping mechanism in the event that I don't get it. So I struggle back and forth with allowing myself to truly want it.

I'm currently sitting in the aiport awaiting a plane that will take me to warm sunny Orlando for NASPA. This will be my first big student affairs conference and I'm looking forward to all the hooplah. I'm also looking forward to sun, pools and good conversations. I don't really have any high hopes for this weekend. It truly snuck up on me. I'm excited about connecting with some professionals I haven't seen in a while. I'm also excited about meeting people in the field and feeling that oh so wonderful feeling that I am apart of something larger than both myself and my immediate community.

 So I guess those are my hopes.

I have no nuggets of wisdom, but wanted to give a check in. I also found this article which I thought was useful and wanted to share. http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/outside-voices-careers/2013/03/11/how-to-keep-your-sanity-while-job-hunting

The aiport internet is slow and I only have 30 minutes, eeee. So no disney song, but a perfect opportunity to use your disney imaginations.

Until Next Time.

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...and a Job #13

Happy Friday, blog world! TGIF for real.

I applied for another job! Yay! Haha, I know I really should have been like "I applied for 20 jobs!" but...no. Maybe next time.

It's the start to spring break on my campus - I had pretty much forgotten that fact and when I went out to a meeting a few minutes ago I couldn't understand why so many students were walking around with luggage. My, my, how things change in a couple of years. I remember my senior year of undergrad...SBXI squared (2011)...months of planning went into spring break planning with my sorority sisters. New outfits were purchased, money was saved up, and adventures were planned. Now, just 2 short years later, I forget that spring break is even happening.

I am pretty excited though! Tuesday I set out for Florida with the ladies from my Comps Group for a little R-n-R-n-JA (rest, relaxation, and job applications) at the beach for a few days, and then we are driving down to Orlando for NASPA! Woohoo, NASPA time! I am really excited, but also pretty nervous. This will be my first national student affairs conference, and it's hard to really know what to expect. I'm lucky that my whole Comps Group will be there, so I have folks to help me through it. For instance, I have to have the one of the more stylish girls in the group come approve all my outfits before packing. Gotta look cute and classy ;)

I am looking forward to learning a lot and hopefully meeting lots of new folks. It will be a great experience overall.

So, I may be on a short hiatus over the next week or two. Sorry! I'll try to post next week when I'm in the midst of sun (hopefully) and job apps (definitely), and then hopefully my hotel at NASPA will have internet! But during all of this I will be feverishly planning a large campus event that happens less than a week after I return, and trying to do a major assignment for one of my classes. So much going on! All I want to do is crawl in my cocoon of a bed, ha.

So, that's life right now. Enjoy your weekend, friends. And I'm sure I'll see some of you at NASPA....except you'll never know it's me :)

Looking for Life, Love, and Laughter...and a Job #12

Where to begin, where to begin? You know that's never a good way to start.

So, goal = not met. I applied for 2 positions last week, and will do some more this week.....I blame getting sick over the weekend for not being successful. I felt super sick every time I ate anything, so I was just really off all weekend. So....oops.

I do have an ever growing spreadsheet that is constantly taunting me and making me feel guilty. And friends who are doing the same for me.

Life right now is...complicated? It feels that way at least. Personal things always crop up when least expected/when they are least convenient, right? That's how I'm feeling though. But it's also really good. I feel surrounded by love lately.

I really don't think I have that much to say to y'all right now....I feel like I should be stalking institutions that I'm applying to and figuring out how to make my cover letter align with their mission statement without sounding like a stalker. Not sounding like a stalker is probably helpful in this whole getting a job thing.

Basically, it's going to take complete fear to really get me on this thing. And I'm getting very close to that, especially realizing how much school work I have left for the semester. The end of my semester is loaded down...and by that I really mean from Spring Break onward. And Spring Break is next week. Fantastic. I had a mini panic attack waking up this morning....that is not a feeling that I miss. To explain a little...last spring I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder/general depression. That's probably not what you're expecting a future student affairs professional to be saying, and I really don't talk about it often, so consider yourselves lucky. I do think it's important to talk about though; we assume that everyone has this particular personality and comfort with things, and it's not always the case. Anyway, I'm happy to have had an amazing support system during the process, and I'm happy to say that I'm doing about a million times better than this time last year.

So...why did I bring it up? Right. The panic attack. Well, when I get overwhelmed I can get a little paralyzed, and I felt that way a bit when thinking about the amount of schoolwork I have left for the semester, on top of everything else. But I can handle it. I know that. I think right now is just really difficult for me because I've learned that uncertainty is one of my "triggers" if you will. So this whole graduating in May and having no clue where I'll be by July or August is really challenging for me. I also know how hard it was to move here and have to "start over" and I'm not looking forward to doing it again, though I think I've discussed that before on here.

Anyway, I feel better sharing that. It's a constant challenge, but what's life without challenge?

Speaking of challenge....my roommate has laid down the gauntlet in our house. My other roommate was a little intimidated...

hasta la vista!

A Wish Your Heart Makes 11

I'm having a quarter life crisis.

Google it or ask Siri or use context clues to figure it out because it is real and it is happening.

I thought maybe I was experiencing senioritis or some form of final semester denial of responsibility process.  I have been on this rollercoaster of feeling sad, feeling hopeful, feeling scared/anxious and feeling nothing. "Oh gosh," my subconscious yells to me in the wee hours of the night "is this what our life has become."

Once enamored with the thought of drowning my Saturday in a pile of Inside Higher Ed articles, I can barely get through an article about anything related to student development, higher ed or social justice (shh, don't tell anyone). I find myself skipping back and forth between pinterets, linkedin and facebook as if I'm on a spirit journey in search of the meaning of life. I literally can't do anything remotely productive. I have been told to apply for a job that I am genuinely interested and I simply can't get past the line "Dear FILL IN." My brain is tired.

I am beginning to realize that I haven't been so intensely and intently focused on one topic the way I have been in graduate school. Is it bad that I feel a little tired of talking about developing the next generation of leaders before I've even felt incompetent in my first job. I am feeling a little nostalgia for the person I was before graduate school. I had depth, I knew what was going on in the world, I didn't cry every day, I ate well balanced meals. My friends all had different interests and I wasn't trapped in a two year process with people who I cared deeply about but who I knew way too much about it and I was literally tired of. I feel like I want to just crawl out of my existence and go do something else.

I'm not sure what act of God will push me into momentum again. I have to keep giving myself pep talks just to get through the job search process "okay, do it even though you don't feel like it." "Okay, you can eat a cookie after you finish..."

So I guess...the point of this post is...I'm scared of the future? I used to be a very religious person but that waned and almost disappeared as a rounded the home base of my college career. Yet, the remnants of my religious upbringing still wriggle themselves to the surface now and then. I was reminded of this last night when I woke up to Joel Olsteen on the television. My instinct was to turn away as his teeth tend to give me nightmares about being eaten alive. But he started talking about the difference between living our lives out of faith and living our lives out of fear. I think something within me sighed and felt a tinge of relief because I put down the remote and just listened. I came away being reminded that we project our lives into reality, although some to most things are undoubtedly out of our control. But I really needed to dial back the anxiety station blaring in my head because I was paralyzing myself from moving forward. I was literally shocked into doing nothing because I am realizing I have no control over what comes next and it is literally scaring the fruit snacks out of me.

I am also just feeling pathetic and maybe a little shallow which reminds me that I need more in my life than my job and all this student affairs stuff. I need literature and art and good food and people. These all consuming processes of looking for jobs, finishing my comps, finishing grad school and fantasizing about the elusive night of sleep have really reminded me that there is truly more to life.

I have to remember to search for that too.

Until next time,